First Steps

This is my first post on my website, a website I hope will become a sort of public journal. I first started producing the concept for this project in February 2021 and here we are over a year and a half later. Part of me is happy its come this far, part of me is annoyed it took so 'unnecessarily' long. I am both equal parts excited and full of dread to see what this becomes. Either it can be a monument to my failure, another half-finished project never coming to fruition, a testament to my lack of personal accountability and work ethic, and another source of self-hatred OR it may be everything I hope for. On the 'about' page I describe my goals for what Connor's Consciousness will be. Let us flesh these goals out.

First I say this website will allow me to produce my thoughts on a variety of subject matters into multiple formats. I, and everyone else, seem to have opinions on just about everything. This does not mean I will be covering my favorite toothpaste brand (at least not without sponsorship) but what it does mean is I will write about whatever I feel is worth writing about. Reviews of the latest tv show, a philosophical conundrum, a political conspiracy, a crazy dream I had the night before, are all possible examples of subject matter I may cover. Why publish my thoughts? I mentioned we all have opinions, that does not mean they are all qualified opinions (a stupid term, in my opinion) or that they are 'worth' sharing (a completely subjective valuation), so why share my unqualified and possibly worthless opinions? For pleasure, for practice, for productivity, for a public ledger, and for the possibility of engagement.

For pleasure: I enjoy thinking about things. Such a general statement but still useful. We all think about everything all the time, do you not enjoy it? Sure, sometimes it is exhausting but thinking about things is the greatest expression of one's self. What am I to me if not my thoughts? So, I hope to get joy out of writing whatever I want about whatever I want. Surely if I choose to do so I must enjoy it. This aspect is purely for my own selfish indulgence.

For Practice: Becoming a better writer means becoming a better thinker. The more I write the better I think and the better I write, this circular growth is what I hope to achieve. Also, writing is integral to many career paths I may pursue so by practicing it I build my skills and resume. By converting my thoughts into various forms of media I will gain new and diverse skills and an evening broader portfolio.

For Productivity: Engaging in activity that is both pleasurable and useful, as outlined above, is something I value and spend far too little time doing. By creating this website I am making a commitment to myself to be more productive and by making it public I am, hopefully, making that commitment more credible. Let me here set a goal to produce one piece of content per month at the least starting now. If this is my only post and you happen to be viewing this somehow at a future date, I personally invite you to shame me and belittle me. Let us hope it doesn't come to that.

For a Public Ledger: Having my thoughts made public can act as a ledger for myself and others to see my thinking, where it stems from, and how it may have changed over time. This creates a better understanding of myself for myself and of myself for others. It can serve as evidence if my thoughts on a subject are ever questioned and can serve as a testament of my values and to my character. I guess it may become used for an 'I told you so' or for others to say to shove it in my face when I'm wrong, either way we are all the better for having it.

For the Possibility of Engagement: This is a public website, with posts being made here and on multiple platforms. Hopefully some people will find it and will find it valuable enough to partake and then express their own opinions on what I have produced. From feedback to their own fleshed out theories, from concurring opinions to counter points, I hope to have some engagements that result in both me and the others involved having been made better for it.

With these 5 reasons in mind lets consider the rest of my goals mentioned on the about page. I hope to read a write more, this relates to my desire to be more productive and to practice more. The development of myself into a better, more skilled, more efficient reader and writer is in my best interest. This website gives me a greater incentive to actually do so, it gives me a reason to write, reading gives me something to write about, or evidence and arguments to absorb and make use of in my own works. I want others to engage with me, not just through support and encouragement but with high levels of scrutiny. My desire is not so much for people to correct my spelling and grammar but for people to hold me accountable to my own thoughts, point out flaws and contradictions, or to develop my clarity by asking questions and lending me their perspective. Related to this is the pledge I make. I promise to engage honestly and in good faith, I commit to being truthful in my beliefs and reasoning, and in reflection I will not romanticize or obscure.

Honest and Good Faith Engagement: If I am honest then the benefits of the public ledger goal and the desire for accountability are made possible. If I am not being honest in my beliefs then why publish them at all. what a waste. That does not mean I wont be wrong or wont change my mind, it just means when there are errors that they will be made in a genuine manner, due to ignorance or imperfection rather than intention. If I hope to benefit from engaging with others ideas and arguments than that benefit is maximized if I take them in as positive a light as possible and in giving this respect to them hopefully they return the same to me however reciprocity is not necessary to benefit from holding myself to this standard.

Truthful in my Beliefs and Reasoning: This is similar to honesty in that when I present something as being my belief or when I give reason to support an argument I am giving as my own a truly believe them as I have presented them. This, again, does not mean my beliefs or reasoning always are true/factual/the reality just that in my use of them I am being truthful and I believed them to be true.

Not Romanticize or Obscure: Part of what I want to publish are self-reflections, for them to be valuable to me I need to perceive them as I truly do and even though I am posting these reflections publicly I cannot give in to the desire to make my mistakes softer and my virtues larger or to do so for others. However there is a disclaimer. I will obscure for the sake of privacy, when I write about others their names are not important and out of respect for their privacy no names will be included, as well as other information that impacts the security, privacy, or well-being of others.

With making these promises and making them public I hope I will be able to hold myself to them and that when/if I fail to hold myself to the standard I have promised others will.

So, there are my goals and promises, my hopes and my fears. I've set it all up for myself, I have everything I need for it to be a success now I just need to do it.

To taking more steps,

- Connor Sutton