Prideless

I reject pride.

I do not identify with the celebration or being proud of sexuality.

So "gay pride" seems to be foolish from my perspective. Why be proud that I desire men sexually? I have little choice in the matter. I'm not proud of it, but also not ashamed of it. I just am. But this doesn't fully represent what "gay pride" means. It isn't being proud of being a certain sexuality it is being proud of certain attributes that come with that.

What is pride? Is it simply being proud of something? Can one take pride individually in isolation? Take pride in achievement on a desert island? I don't think so. I think pride necessarily has a social element. I believe it is being proud of something with the addition that you would be willing to share the feeling publicly. You cannot be proud of an accomplishment and be afraid to tell people if you are calling yourself prideful.

In isolation, you can feel satisfied and accomplished, but real pride requires a lack of shame. It is not simply a feeling of accomplishment but a willingness to express this feeling.

So 'gay pride' isn't saying I'm proud to be gay it's saying I'm openly and unabashedly proud to be gay.

Why be proud of that? See, while sexuality is not some virtue in itself and while one is unable to choose their sexuality, one can choose if they're open about it. Being open about one's sexuality does have its costs, but through being unwavering in your 'gay pride' you are taking on suffering, bearing the costs but rejecting the hoped-for outcome of eliminating or silencing gayness or gay pride. In doing so you are signaling to others that they too can endure the suffering, that there are people who are like them and who are unashamed, and that negative socialization can be overcome.

This is a virtue, this is something to be proud of. The higher the suffering the more pride there should be.

However, when the suffering becomes minimal and real suffering is replaced with hypothetical or exaggerated suffering to push one's own interests, the virtue is tainted. When someone clings to their suffering (real or not) and hopes that simply having suffered grants them virtue they have lost sight of true value. Everyone suffers, but what you do in the face of suffering is deserving of pride. Not for enduring but enduring with a certain attitude. Victims are not celebrated, they are mourned. Passivity is not rewarded.

I have not faced hardship due to my sexuality. Different experiences from straight people, sure, but not much harder if at all. So I have not suffered for my sexuality. Others do, so in their celebration despite their suffering they deserve to have pride in themselves. I, however, do not deserve to be proud. At least not to some parade-worthy extent.

So I do not reject pride for others, but I don't engage myself. And I hope others will reflect on whether they ought to take pride in their sexualities. I advocate for a recognition of what is truly meant by terms such as 'gay pride' and if I believed it could happen would advocate for greater precision in language. What are we really proud of when we say 'gay pride'? Proud of sexuality? Or proud of specific actions and specific ways of carrying oneself in the face of adversity? What specific virtues are we saying we're proud of?

Build your identity off of these specifics rather than the arbitrary descriptive categories we sort ourselves into so that we can communicate the complexity of the identity over which we have no control.

The specifics are worth celebrating as one's actions and the outcomes one produces are in their domain. So when one faces, to the best of their ability, that which they can't control by doing what is in their means of control and they produce positive outcomes, then that should be celebrated and one should take pride in that.

Pride can also serve as a societal expression of acceptance, it signals that you are safe and accepted broadly speaking, and that too can be valuable. But to me, this is in the transitory stage of acceptance and the long-term goal should be complete normalization. Moral sexualities, those between consenting adults, should have the long-term goal of being completely normalized to the point of arbitrariness. This may not be the case in many places, pride may still be necessary in these places, but also to achieve this a society may have to fake it till they make it, and by that I mean pretend it is more normalized and accepted, pretend it is arbitrary until it is. Instead, the opposite is often done, every aspect of difference, of bigotry, of mistreatment is magnified. Under this practice, the goal of relative arbitrariness and normalization will unfortunately never be achieved.

Lastly, pride can just be a party. Can't people just have fun, with their rainbow aesthetics and unabashed expression of gender and sexuality? Can't people just enjoy their floats and marches, and corporations with pride merch and new logos for the month? Yes is the answer. Although I won't partake. This type of celebration is not meaningless, mindless fun has its value too, but it is as close as an activity can get. It continues to highlight the differences, and no longer has any resistance or disobedience, it fails to advocate for anything truly important. Just an excuse for queers to get drunk and hook up (as if an excuse is needed).

For pride to remain relevant, I beleive, it ought to maintain its radical roots. It should be a riot, a protest, a call for change. Not a celebration of hardwon victories but and push for more. It should't be limited to expressions of gender and sexuality but to expressions by gender and sexually diverse people towards important and transformative causes.

As more vitriol has developed towards trans people pride has been, and should continue towards, returning to these revolutionary routes. But if we emphasize the pride and party aspects then we are losing sight of this.

So pride can be an important and powerful expression for both individuals and society. But without proper reflection, without specifying what pride ought to be, what it is, and when it should cease, it is often a hallow event celebrating that which deserves no celebration and fails to serve the function it ought to.